Am.so.tired.

Just clocked off after 7 consecutive days of work, and am really feeling it. Yesterday was particularly tough, and all I kept humming and singing this song to myself all day yesterday to help keep me going.



Because I'll never hold the picture
of the whole horizon in my view
Because I'll never rip the night in two
It makes me wonder
Who am I and great are You

Questions on prayer partners

Do you have one? A prayer triplet? How often do you meet? How did you go about choosing who your prayer partner/group is/are?

How do you discuss issues with each other? Do you use a checklist? Besides prayer requests, do you systematically go thru other things with each other, eg. specific Bible passages or perhaps discuss a Christian book?

As a student, I used to pray with our CU every Monday morning, before we split into little groups, and it worked moderately well. Even though it was always difficult to get up early at the beginning of the week, I was quite surprised by how often I missed those times after I moved to London! I'm thinking it might be a good thing to find someone to pray with again.

Questions on quiet times

Blogging is meant to be more than one-way traffic so I thought I'll have some questions for my readers this week. Pretty simple stuff, no "meaning of the universe" questions here!

I've been wondering in particular what people, i.e you readers, do for quiet times/devotional life/whatever you wish to call it. What's your routine? How long do you usually spend? Do you use devotional notes? What works for you? What have you found helpful?

When I was in boarding school, I used Scripture Union's Closer to God, which wasn't too bad - at the very least, it meant that rather than puzzling over what to read and feeling completely defeated when I felt like I didn't understand Scripture, it gave some sense of structure and relief that help was at hand. I've also quite recently used Encounter with God, which is the grown-up version of CtG. For a devotional, I think it's pretty good as well, especially as they try to make sure that you spend sustained time in at least parts of Bible books rather than jumping around proof-texts, which can be the failing of so many other devotional material. The downside of devotional notes, though, is that sometimes I feel like I'm reading the personal thoughts of the writers (which might or might not be worthwhile), and it's also easier, I think, to allow them to do the reflecting on the Scriptural text for me and thus, fail to engage with God's word directly. (My one exception to this is Eugene Peterson's A Long Obedience in the Same Direction; always stimulating and challenging!)

Over the past couple of years, I tend to read through whole books of the Bible over a period of time, probably to get away from the piecemeal approach I had adopted in my formative years. I've used Matthias Media's Interactive Bible Studies, which usually have something like 8 studies on a Bible book, although you could split some of the studies into two if you're either pressed for time and/or part of a passage is so striking that it's worth just pausing and reflecting. I like using these studies for quiet time because I find that answering questions makes me much more of an active reader than a passive consumer. Well-crafted questions in a Bible study booklet are often hard to find but I think these Matthias Media resources have a decent stab at it: they do give you an angle into getting a handle on the text and the application questions are helpful as well. The downside is that they can take time, and they're not as handy to take with you if you're travelling, and for some (i.e me), I think that there is always the danger of confusing filling in the application section with actual application to our lives. As with any series like this, some are probably better than others - I found their Colossians booklet better than their Galatians, for instance.

I've also used one or two Good Book Guides, similiar in intent to the Matthias Media stuff, but I don't think they're quite as good. I felt that the questions could be more rigorous and that it sometimes jumped around too much. To be fair, I've only used their topical ones, so that could be the reason. The one NavPress study I've used suffers from the opposite problem, too much detail and some questions which might be interesting but tangential!

Something else I have done for my quiet time is to read expository material or sermons. Roy Clements on 2 Corinthians, for eg., is very good. Again, the downside of this is similar to using devotional notes, I'm often tempted to skim on personal reflection. Also, sometimes reading sermons or expositions can be very dense unless you can find some way to break them down into manageable parts.

Some of my friends use Explore notes, which might combine the best of both worlds. They're devotional notes, but instead of the observations and reflections of the writer, you get one or two short questions on comprehension, some notes, and then one or two short application/reflection questions. So it's not as if you're doing a full-length Bible study, but at the same time you're not being a passive reader either. I've not used them myself, but maybe I should. Neither have I used those material that take you through the whole Bible in a year, like John Stott's Through the Bible Through the Year or Carson's For the Love of God. I always find them too intimidating. Some people, if they know what is being preached the following week, spend some time on that particular passage and I occasionally do that.

Anyway, yes, what do you do? Leave some comments!


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Prayer for Myanmar

Father, we continue to pray today for the situation in Myanmar. We cannot comprehend the current level of suffering that is going on, but we know that you do. We pray that the current impasse between the global community and the junta will not be prolonged but that a resolution can be found as quickly as possible so that much needed aid will be brought into the country. We pray that all the resources allocated will be used optimally and that you will limit the spread of disease. We pray for the aid workers on the ground, that you will give them much needed strength. We pray for your people in Myanmar, that even now, they will know of your love and compassion and that they will be able to share this with others. We know Lord that you will be able to bring good out of suffering and we pray that the hope of the gospel will be clear even now.

Amen.

Monday: Lenten Prayers for the Week

Loving God,
I am just beginning to realize how much you love me.
Your son, Jesus was humble and obedient.
He fulfilled your will for him by becoming human and suffering with us.
I ask you for the desire to become more humble
so that my own life might also bear witness to you.
I want to use the small sufferings I have in this world to give you glory.

Please, Lord, guide my mind with your truth.
Strengthen my life by the example of Jesus.
Help me to be with Jesus in this week
as he demonstrates again his total love for me.
He died so that I would no longer be separated from you.
Help me to feel how close you are and to live in union with you.

God of love,
My prayer is simple:
We have been stubborn and rebellious
but you are merciful and kind.
For the sake of Your son, Jesus Christ,
who suffered and died for us,
forgive us all that is past.
I know only
that I cannot have real strength
unless I rely on you.
I cannot feel protected
from my many weaknesses
until I turn to you
for forgiveness and your unalterable love.
Help me to share this
strength, protection and love with others.
Amen.

P/S,
Christ's Imagined Choir

Fixed points for jobless times

I am lazy, the laziest boy in the world. I sleep during the day when I want to, 'til my face is creased and swollen, 'til my lips are dry and hot, 'til my hair is mussed and sinewy. I eat as I please. To think, in childhood, I missed only one day of school per year. No longer. Job-hunting. It's hard. Periods of uncertainty, rejection letters, perceived looks of pity, puzzled reactions. Even my sentences are lazy. The shortening of prose. The firing of staccatos. Write briefly, while others go for pages. I hear the head, the voices of reassurance of the commonality of the experience, the urging of patience. The body only knows of the sagging of shoulders. The feet doesn't even know what to do with itself. And that familiar refrain, set on repeat. Work hard and do not shame your family, who worked hard to give you what you have.*

While I'm looking for work, I've been trying to think through how the gospel should shape the way I live during this time. This is hard work too! Not just thinking, but then living it out. Here are some fixed points I've come up with, the stars by which I navigate these rapids:

1. Work is good. Before the Fall, God has already revealed himself as a worker, and gave responsibilities to Adam to work the garden. Post-Fall, the world-weary writer of Ecclesiastes is able to say that man finds satisfaction in his toil (3:13). The New Testament is replete with commands not to be idle. Therefore, it is good and important for me to keep on looking for formal work and also look for other ways to redeem the time, even something as simple as cleaning my room. This is especially needed for Type B personalities like me.

2. Work is not the gospel. Work can and should bring glory to God. It can be an expression of worship and love. But if my identity becomes fundamentally bound up with what I do for a living, if my job status determines my worth as a person, if I put my trust in my university degrees, than I have lost sight of what is truly good news. Even Type Bs like me who think they are not tempted to make work an idol should not underestimate the threat. And so looking for work should never become my greatest need in my eyes. God's grace is my greatest need.

3. Money is not the gospel. Earning money is good. Money empowers: it gives us choices to purchase commodities, to live in places which we otherwise are unable to. It reminds me to be thankful for my parents who were able to support me here in the UK. But like work, money can wield power over us. Again, this can work subtly. I am not planning to work for an investment bank, and I might look disdainfully upon those who do so as having the wrong priorities. But even if I take up a low-paying position in an NGO, I can still choose to make money my comfort.

4. God is sovereign and loving. He works for the good of his people. This is supremely demonstrated in the gospel event of Jesus' birth, life, death and resurrection. He does not expect us to be passive, but to exercise wisdom. Nevertheless, that does not mean that he is simply helping those who help themselves. Faith is trusting in God's promises, not of health and wealth, but in his lavish grace and his faithful provision. Times looking for employment can also be times of reflection on how God might grow us, where we might need to change.

5. In Christ, I need not fear any condemnation. Unemployment invokes guilt, screams parasite. Christ's death tells of my justification, speaks of my dependence upon him. Unemployment invites despair and despondence. Christ's resurrection implores hope and yearning. Unemployment magnifies failure. Christ ate with failures, and his followers will be at the victory feast.

6. God's people love Christ by loving one another. The gospel reconciles us both to God and to one another. Employed people, of course, can help and encourage those who are unemployed. Grace says we can never be too proud to accept help. But the unemployed can help by serving others in creative ways, with their time. The unemployed are not exempt from loving others.


Just being able to state these doesn't make it any easier of course. I find prayer hard even now. Prayer can seem like a time-issue, as in "I'm too busy to pray!" but really, when one has a lot of time, it is exposed as a heart issue. J.I Packer says that "people who know their God are before anything else people who pray". Ouch! But it does tell of my lack of trust, because my failure to pray is fundamentally that. This works because prayer = going to God with our hopes and fears = raised expectations, and so failure to pray = thinking that God can't deal with them = a way to minimise disappointment, "just in case it doesn't come out the way I want it to".

And so this becomes the daily struggle. And so here we are, in the hard business of Christian living.

Cause when it's always winter but never Christmas
Sometimes it feels like you're not with us
But deep inside our hearts we know
That you are here and we will not lose hope
- In Like a Lion (Always Winter, Never Christmas), Relient K

*This paragraph is me seeking a creative outlet and playing around with words, so please don't read it woodenly! Sentences in italics are me acknowledging intertextual references to Blues, a poem by Elizabeth Alexander, found in Body of Life.


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In the Valley

When you lead me to the valley of vision
I can see you in the heights
And though my humbling wouldn't be my decision
It's here your glory shines so bright
So let me learn that the cross precedes the crown
To be low is to be high
That the valley's where you make me
more like Christ

Let me find Your grace in the valley
Let me find Your life in my death
Let me find Your joy in my sorrow
Your wealth in my need
That You're near with every breath
In the valley

In the daytime there are stars in the heavens
But they only shine at night
And the deeper that I go into darkness
The more I see their radiant light
So let me learn that my losses are my gain
To be broken is to heal
That the valley's where Your power is revealed

© Bob Kauflin 2006
based on the Puritan prayer 'Valley of Vision'

Prayer for Burma

I thought people might appreciate these prayer points from Christian Solidarity Worldwide:

The release of all who have been detained, including Min Ko Naing and Ko Ko Gyi;

An end to the violent assaults on peaceful demonstrators, and the disbanding of the junta’s civilian proxy organisation the Union Solidarity and Development Association (USDA) which is carrying out many of the attacks;

The release of democracy leader and Nobel Laureate Aung San Suu Kyi, in her 12th year of house arrest;

An end to the military regime’s attacks on ethnic minorities and the continuing violations of human rights, including the use of rape, forced labour, torture, human minesweepers, the forcible conscription of child soldiers, religious persecution, the destruction of villages, crops and livestock, the displacement of civilians and extra-judicial killings;

Action by the international community, including the British Government. Burma should be addressed as a matter of urgency by the UN Security Council and the European Union, and pressure be put on China, India and the Association of South East Asian Nations (ASEAN) to use their influence with the regime in Burma;

Meaningful dialogue and true national reconciliation between the regime, the democracy movement and the ethnic nationalities.

Psalm 121: The Lord my keeper

Living and active. In the end, despite my own struggles, my own doubts, God does still speak through his word. Two months ago I wrote to two friends who were facing important exams with what I hope were encouraging words from Psalm 121. I've been feeling quite low recently, and I had little desire to drag myself to church tonight to go to a mid-week gathering that had been running through this summer to be encouraged by the Psalms. But I did trudge along, and as I heard Psalm 121 being preached, the very same psalm that I hope lifted the spirits of my friends lifted me. This was preaching to the affections. But more than that, I appreciated sitting around with fellow Christians wrestling with the way God's word should change us, with the help of his Spirit. And then, to be able to speak to our Father himself as we bowed our heads together.

I thought it was worth digging out that old email I wrote to my friends, and posting an edited version here, modified too to incorporate some of tonight's insights and further reflections:

I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

Who am I? I am fickle. I am malleable. I am unreliable. And I am limited. I don't possess infinite strength or infinite wisdom. "I" may be a particular person, but regardless of who "I" am, I know this to be universally true, in one respect or the other, of all "I"s. No wonder we need to look beyond ourselves.

The psalmist looks at the hills, is that where his help comes from? After all, when he was writing this, that was where many shrines to various gods and goddesses were built. And so it is today: we look to various places to seek help: the intelligent people that we know. The romantic relationship that we think will save us. Even other Christians whom perhaps, we elevate beyond their position.

The psalmist, however is aware where help ultimately comes from. The first sentence of the Bible establishes whose world we live in, and the psalmist recalls this. It is not the sun or moon who is God, but the LORD, the One who made the sun and moon, who ordered the seas, ordained the beasts of the fields and the creatures of the deep. And that is where the rest of the psalm focuses on: we are told what God is like. Our perspective needs to shift. He is our keeper, our guardian, the repetition of the word "keep" in the ESV emphasising this point.

We trust in a God who is trustworthy and sovereign (v.3), one who is not subject to the same physical tiredness that we experience (v.4). Even the simple act of sleep reminds us of our vulnerability. Even the financial markets have to close at some point. We get exhausted. We could post bodyguards outside our homes, doctors by our bed, but ultimately, when we sleep, the illusion of control over our lives slip. But God doesn't go "Oops" or dozes off. Even when it doesn't seem like it, we know God looks after his children, no matter what circumstance (v.5-8).

This psalm is a realistic look at life. It does not promise that we will not suffer heartache, anxiety, distress or hurt - physical or mental. Rather, it assumes that faith will always run into these troubles. Instead, it encourages us to know that God is watching over us (did you notice the repetition?). God is no longer an impersonal boss but a loving parent.

"To suppose that [the Christian life is a quiet escape or a fantasy trip] is to turn the nut the wrong way. The Christian life is going to God. In going to God, Christians travel the same ground that everyone else walks on, breathe the same air, drink the same water, shop in the same stores, read the same newspapers, are citizens under the same governments, pay the same prices for groceries and gasoline, fear the same dangers, are subject to the same pressures, get the same distresses, are buried in the same ground.

The difference is that each step we walk, each breath we breathe, we know we are preserved by God, we know we are accompanied by God, we know we are ruled by God...We believe that life is created and shaped by God and that the life of faith is a daily exploration of the constant and countless ways in which God's grace and love are experienced." (A Long Obedience in the Same Direction, Eugene Peterson).

And so we can sing

Guide me, O my great Redeemer
pilgrim through this barren land;
I am weak, but you are mighty,
hold me with your powerful hand:
Bread of Heaven, Bread of Heaven,
Feed me now and evermore!
Feed me now and evermore.

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Prayer as petition

Prayer "'in the first instance, is an asking'. [Karl Barth]...

I have been frustrated by members of my congregation who could not be exhorted to focus on the praise of God or on confession without moving on to petition. It is an attitude of which I now repent. We too easily think of those who move into comtemplative modes of praying or those who make worship or confession the focus of their praying as those who are advanced prayers. It is not so. We must recognize that it is the 'unsophisticated', simple prayers who truly express trust in divine Majesty, who truly acknowledge their own need before God, and who have truly grasped the freedom of the Father-child relationship. Many books on prayer exhort us to search for deeper experiences in prayer or more sophisticated modes of prayer that breed a sense of inadequacy in some and of superiority in others. The Bible invites us to find the model of prayer in the simple petitioning of a child before a father. This leads to freedom and peace."

- 'Praying to the Father', The Message of Prayer, Tim Chester